As some of you know, I started doing stand-up comedy this past spring, starting with Dawn Whitwell’s Comedy Girl class at Comedy Bar. Since performing in our class show on June 18, I’ve been back on stage a few times, including open mic at Lizzie Violet’s Cabaret Noir, a guest spot on Whitwell’s weekly show Dawn Patrol and a feature spot at the WonderFest Comedy Series.
As I’ve been expanding my set and working on new material – I decided to incorporate something else I love a lot into my performance: singing. In this case, funny songs. And it occurred to me the other day that I should include “Rabbi School Washout.” Inspired by Tracey Erin Smith’s The Burning Bush one-woman shows, I wrote the lyrics (7 years ago) to the tune of “Beauty School Drop-out” from Grease; I sent it to Tracey and she posted it on The Burning Blog.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with Tracey Erin Smith, SoulOTheatre or The Burning Bush, take a look at this awesome promo/interview vid. Even if you are familiar, check it out anyway – if you’re like me, it will remind you why you love Tracey and her work so much. (Toronto Fringe fans will also recall Smith’s most recent one-woman show Memento Mori, which she mounted at the 2014 Toronto Fringe Festival.)
Here are the lyrics to “Rabbi School Washout.” If there was a movie version of The Burning Bush, I picture Jackie Mason singing this to Tracey’s main character Barbara. Tracey Erin Smith, this one’s for you. xo
RABBI SCHOOL WASHOUT
Your story’s sad to tell,
Yeshiva ne’er do well,
Most mixed up shayna maidel in the school!
Your future’s so unclear now,
What’s left of your career now?
You’ll never get a job down at the shul!
Dancers: (La lalala lalala lalala…)
Rabbi school washout,
No graduation day for you.
Rabbi school washout,
Terrified seniors, what’cha do?
Well at least you could have taken time to sit and have a chat, now.
But instead it’s: “Death, just deal with it.” You think that will impress, now?
Baby get movin’ (Baby get movin’),
Just keep your feeble hope alive.
Know you can do it! (Know you can do it!)
You’ve got the dream, now show the drive!
If you go for it, go do the strip, you won’t feel like a fool.
Go shake your booty, don’t just sit there on that stool.
Rabbi school washout (Rabbi school washout),
Hanging ‘round the peeler bar.
Rabbi school washout (Rabbi school washout),
It’s about time you were the star.
Well they couldn’t teach you anything,
You think you’ve got such chutzpah
But no congregant would go to you unless they were meshuga!
Baby don’t sweat it (Don’t sweat it),
Preaching at temple’s not for you.
Better forget it (Forget it),
You’ve got a chance here, take it – nu?
Now your Torah’s learned, Kabbalah’s earned, babe you’re on a roll.
Come on, just be a mensch, and go straddle that pole!
Baby don’t blow it,
Don’t put my good advice to shame.
Baby you know it,
Even Dear Abby’d say the same!
Now I’ve called the shot, get off the pot, I really gotta go!
Just get up there and dance now – don’t you be a schmo!
Rabbi school washout, (Rabbi school washout)
Get up and dance now.
Rabbi school washout, (Rabbi school washout)
Get up and dance now.
Rabbi school washout, (Rabbi school washout)
Get up and dance now.
Who – and who’s work – inspires you?
Let this also serve as a teaser for my upcoming stand-up gigs:
Thurs, Oct 23: WonderFest Comedy Series @ Habits Gastropub (928 College St., near Dovercourt) – doors at 8 p.m.
Sun, Nov 9: Lizzie Violet’s Cabaret Noir @ The Central (603 Markham St., around the corner from Honest Ed’s) – doors at 7 p.m.
life with more cowbell 