life with more cowbell

Today marks a day of protest and counter-protest over gender-based curriculum and sexual identity in our schools. In Ontario, the 2016 sex-ed curriculum revision introduced by the Liberal government was repealed by the current Conservative government in 2018 and largely taking curriculum back to the outdated 1998 model. Discussions of gender identity that were previously introduced in Grade 6 were shifted to Grade 8, with sexual orientation concepts shifting from Grade 6 to Grade 5.

We all want to keep kids safe. And it makes me sad and angry that misinformation, disinformation and right-wing agendas are actually putting 2SLGBTA+ kids in jeopardy, while purporting to save kids from “indoctrination” and “sexualization”. Let’s call this what it is: hate. It’s hate under the guise of protecting children.

I’d like to share a piece I wrote in 2016 as a speech writing exercise for a copy writing class; this was shortly after the new curriculum was introduced by Ontario’s former Liberal government—and argues in favour of it. Thanks for reading.

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Do you remember wondering where babies came from when you were a kid?

I was seven or eight, and I went and asked my mother. She was a nurse, so she’d seen birth from both sides of the experience—she knew her stuff. She brought out The Story of Life,[i] a book written from a Christian point of view on how to explain the ‘facts of life’ to kids (my mother was, and is, a good Catholic). She told me about how flowers reproduced, showing me illustrations of the stamen and pistil. I went away baffled. How did this work with real people? So I went back and asked. She told me, and I was appalled—but I thought, okay, if that’s how it works, then that’s how it works.

A lot of years have passed since I asked that question. Since that time, we’ve seen the sexual revolution and a move towards secularism; human rights movements among racialized, Aboriginal and LGBTQ communities, women and disabled persons; and a growing awareness and acceptance of different kinds of relationships and families. With all these social changes, some ongoing in their world right now, kids today are exposed to so much more—and, with access to the internet, social media and cellphones, ideas, images and information are travelling at speeds we never could have imagined when I was a kid. Kids still have questions. They also have access to a lot more information and misinformation.

Up until this year, Ontario elementary and secondary schools were basing health and sex education instruction on an outdated curriculum; one that was last updated in 1998—and a lot has happened in the world over the past 17 years, especially with technology and virtual connectivity. Kids are reaching puberty earlier than before; and beyond the basics of good health and hygiene, and navigating the changes that come with puberty and burgeoning sexuality, kids also maneuver through a world of digital relationships and interactions on social media that includes cyberbullying and sexting. This is why the Ministry of Education designed and introduced an updated Health and Physical Education curriculum, including grade-specific instruction on sex education, effective at the beginning of this school year.

You can find a grade by grade breakdown of what will be taught on the Ministry website (updated link from August, 2019): https://www.ontario.ca/document/health-and-physical-education-grades-1-8/human-development-and-sexual-health-education-grade

Now, Education Minister Liz Sandals didn’t just sit down behind closed doors with a bunch of other Liberal politicians to make this stuff up. This revised course of study was arrived at after a period of extensive consultation that included parents, students, teachers, faculties of education, universities, colleges, and stakeholder groups like the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, The Ontario Public Health Association and the Ontario Healthy Schools Coalition. Over 70 health-related organizations and thousands of individuals provided feedback on this important curriculum update.

Teaching young kids the basics of identifying parts of their body will give them the vocabulary to communicate details when they’re sick or in pain; and to recognize instances where relationships or interactions are abusive, what to do about it and who to turn to. Giving kids a heads-up on how their bodies and emotions are going to change throughout puberty will give them the language and tools they need to handle that remarkable, complex and life-changing process. As kids move into their teens and get even closer to adulthood, they need to know about the physical and emotional impacts of romantic relationships, including sex, pregnancy, sexually-transmitted infections and consent, and the possible consequences of their choices. And they need to know how to maintain good physical, mental and emotional health today and throughout their lives. This curriculum is about nurturing our kids to grow up strong and healthy, to have respectful relationships, to love and be loved, to feel like they belong.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I came out as a lesbian 27 years ago, when I was 25. This was a much more difficult conversation with my parents than asking where babies came from. At the time, there was little mainstream knowledge and acceptance of gays and lesbians – and my family had the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church to navigate as well. I feared not being heard or accepted, and of being rejected and cut off from my family. This time, it was my turn to offer a book; I gave my parents a copy of Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Gays and Lesbians Talk about Their Experiences.[ii] It wasn’t easy, but my parents came to understand and accept that this is how I was born and that I was still the same person, just not straight. Other people I knew were not so lucky. Some took their own lives or attempted to do so, or self-medicated with drugs or alcohol to ease the pain and shame—and these were adults.

Even with the rights that lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people have today, it’s still not an easy discussion. I cannot imagine what it must be like for a young person who’s made this discovery about themselves—how scared they might be to tell their parents, of getting kicked out of their homes, or of being outed and bullied at school and online. Studies show that suicide and suicidal thoughts are markedly higher among LGBTQ youth compared to their straight peers, especially LGBTQ youth who have been rejected by their families. The new sex education curriculum isn’t going to teach kids how to be gay or transgender; it will promote understanding and respect for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identification. And, no, I don’t have kids, but I’m godmother to one of my two nephews. I’m also a firm believer that it takes a village, and that it’s in the interest of every Ontarian that kids are made aware of the facts about sex and sexuality, mental and emotional health—and that they learn about accepting and respecting the differences in others.

Some parents may not be comfortable talking with their kids about these issues, just as some kids may uncomfortable approaching their parents. And some kids might come from a home where they’re unable to have these discussions at all—or where they’re afraid to ask any questions. Ontario’s new sex education curriculum is there to give our kids the age-appropriate information and guidance they need, in a safe and respectful classroom setting, so no kid gets left in the dark. The instruction they get at school will be a foundation on which to build healthy lives and relationships; a foundation that will continue to be built upon with the guidance of parents, elders and clergy.

Our kids have questions. And they deserve answers.

[i] Whiting, Ellis W. The Story of Life (33^rd edition). Appleton: The Story of Life Publishing Co., 1965.

[ii] Griffin, Carolyn W., Wirth, Marian J., Wirth, Arthur G. Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Gays and Lesbians Talk about Their Experiences. New York:St. Martin’s Griffin, 1997.